Just as Human
by freya9897
Summary: They ignore us, then they worship us and then they demonise us. They are fickle folk, and people tell us we should not let them bother us, yet even so we want to be recognised. Not as useless, not as heroes, nor as villains, just as human.
1. Teenage Dreams

Teenage girls are shallow, but does that make us evil? All I want is to have a normal life, to pass my exams, and gossip, to make friends, and to get a boyfriend. I don't want to fight the dark yet, and sometimes I'm scared, but that doesn't mean I hate you. Harry you're inspirational, but not everyone can be like you, some of us are just average.  
>I don't really understand what being in mortal peril is, is it being sent to the headmaster's office, or dying Snape's robes pink with fluffy bunnies on them? Nor can I really understand pain past that of falling over and grazing my knee, or of stubbing my toe. I'm not ready to fight Dark Lords, and I don't think I ever will be, however I can paint your nails or read your palms.<br>The truth of the matter is Harry, I'm afraid, but probably not as much as I should be, and I want to help, but not as much as you need, and ... I want to hold you and tell you it's all going to be alright, but I know more than anything else ... that's not true. I have big dreams, I want to be an actress, or a singer, but ... I'm terrified I won't survive this war


	2. My Apologies

I want to say I'm SORRY I'm SORRY for FAILING you, for FAILING you all. I want to tell you all about my FAILINGS, about why you shouldn't _mourn_ me. I'm a MONSTER you see, not for my furry little problem, as your father used to call it, but instead for all the people I've HURT.

If I'd _just_ been a _little_ bit faster, a _little_ bit stronger, perhaps there wouldn't be so many HURTING people gathered here today. I'm SORRY for how I've HURT you and Andromeda and Ted, and everyone else here today, but most of all for how I've HURT little Teddy. He's going to grow up an _orphan_, never knowing his wonderful **mother,** and that's MY FAULT; I've stolen **Her** and dragged **Her** into the _afterlife_ with me.  
>It's my <em>funeral<em> today; I DON'T DESERVE one. You're burying me with **Her,** but I'm UNWORTHY of being with **Her.** I always was, but **She** always was the _stubborn_ one.  
>I can see people <em>crying<em>; I wish they wouldn't. You're _crying _too, it HURTS me to watch. I'm not asking for your _forgiveness_, I DON'T DESERVE it, I'm asking you to stop crying and live your life and above all I'm asking you to love my son.

* * *

><p>Luna blinked for a moment or two then spoke.<br>"I'll make sure Harry gets your message." She smiled slightly and turned to leave. Remus spoke just two words, a tear sliding down his cheek.  
>"Thank you"<p> 


	3. Regret

I never really hated him for his father. I couldn't hold a grudge against the dead, not really. After all, in the end, they were dead and no longer here and so dwelling on them would be futile.

The reason I hated him was different. I hated him for everything he embodied. Every time I looked at him it hurt, to see those eyes looking so accusingly at me, to watch him e so selfless, so noble, so dedicated to protecting the weak, to campaigning for justice and what is right, it hurt. And so I hated him for the pain he caused me.

Others looked at him and said he was just like James, calling him Prongslet, James' child, Potter. I hated him, but I couldn't admit why, so I passed it off as him being his father's son. After all, Severus Snape's rivalry with the marauders, especially Potter, was legendary. No-one would be surprised if I hated Potter's son.

I saw him for what he really was though. He was Lily's child through and through. It wasn't just those accusing eyes, or the way he felt a need to stand up for what he thought was right. It was the way he gave everyone a chance, and never complained, and was completely free of prejudice. It was his fiery temper and stubbornness, his capability to sacrifice absolutely everything for the cause he believed in. He was nothing like James, not really, and so that wasn't why I hated him, not really.

If someone were to ask me what I regret most I can answer in a heartbeat, without hesitation, and it's not joining Voldemort, nor is it telling him the prophecy, no what I regret is far simpler, yet far worse.

"You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Lily blinked.

"Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

Merlin I'd give anything to be able to go back and stop myself saying that word. I've never said that word again, not even when with the Death Eaters, but, of course, it is too late now.

Every time I look at him I see Potter's child, and I think, he could have been mine. And that hurts. That hurts so much.


	4. Betrayal

They came in the dark of the night, whispering promises of greatness, of power and glory. They spoke of a better future, of sacrifices for the greater good. Then when that didn't work, they offered money or knowledge, ancient scrolls, unseen treasures. Then they murmured of a better place, told of how death was not the end.

And then, they appealed to his Gryffindor side, they boasted of bravery and promised adventure.

Later they laughed, called him a coward, a spineless traitor, told him they lied. And so he tried to redeem himself. He was determined to honour his friends' memories or die trying. And ... He died.


End file.
